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Boehner and Cantor offered asylum in North Korea

Republican leaders are heroes in North Korea, Iran, and Russia. Cantor and Boehner are actively negotiating how to end the hostage situation and where to flee for refuge. “Having shut down government, deprived sick children of needed clinical trials, wreaked havoc in the country, and forced government employees to go without pay, our work is done” declared John Boehner in a conference call with Tea party loyalists.

Boehner was moved to tears when he got calls from the North Korean government offering him and Cantor permanent asylum. The pair is now negotiating with President Obama how to end the hostage situation. Sources close to the negotiation revealed the following demands by Cantor and Boehner:

1.       Guaranteed US health care for them and their families in North Korea

2.       Change the name of our electoral system from democracy to repocracy

3.       Add carvings of Cantor and Boehner to Mount Rushmore to secure their place in history alongside George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln

4.       End food stamps program to eliminate obesity among the poor

5.       President Obama to secure them a movie deal among his many Hollywood friends

6.       History books to omit the part about children with cancer going without treatment

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