GOING WELLNUTS

The Humor Blog for Well-Being

May 3, 2016
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Book Reading – June 5th, 2016

Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Miami

May 3, 2016

Influenza and Affluenza

Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, many people blame diseases for their ethical obtuseness. Instead of expecting decent behavior from their son, the parents of Ethan Couch hired a psychologist who claimed the teenager had a bad case of Affluenza: the result of rich parents who never set proper limits for the kid. Ethan, for whom his parents had no expectations, killed 4 people while drinking and driving and got away with only probation. Ethan and his mother were recently found in Mexico, blaming the severe winter for skipping probation. They were afraid to catch the Influenza virus.
April 25, 2016

Yakov Smirnoff and me

Having read The Laughing Guide to Well-Being: Using Humor and Science to Become Happier and Healthier Yakov Smirnoff, the famous comedian, wrote the following: “Isaac’s book is hilarious. I believe if you can get people to laugh that means you’re getting them to listen, and when they listen, they learn. This book accomplishes all three of these things.” Yakov Smirnoff. I want to make it clear that Yakov was not pressured to do this, and that he did not do this under duress. Being from Miami, I know what you’re all thinking: I bribed Yakov to write an endorsement of my new book, but let me reassure you that Yakov does not take bribes and I don’t give bribes.  I also know that you’re thinking I’m desperate to sell copies of my new book, but let me reassure you that I’m not desperate. I’m inconsolably desperate.  If Yakov’s blurb and my pathetic plea do not cause you to click on the link above and order my book, I don’t know what will. But don’t complain when copies run out and everybody at the office is talking about my book and you don’t know what’s going on. 
April 21, 2016

Low Expectations

The bitter cold aggravating most of the country was of sufficient schadenfreude value that my wife and I decided to watch the Weather Channel. While we were experiencing our two days of winter here in Miami, with temperatures in the low sixties, we reminisced of our days in Canada when we were young and stupid to live in the prairies. Meanwhile, the host of the Weather Channel invited a veterinarian to comment on the well-being of pets during the stormy weather. Dr. Chow said that all pets are different, and that some of them are more tolerant of cold than others. She told viewers that “St. Bernard dogs cope better than Chihuahuas with cold.” Wow, really! I would have never guessed! That was the moment when it all came together for me. Dr. Chow epitomized all that is wrong with this country: Low expectations. If you are going to go on national TV, don’t you want to say something a little smarter? I’ve been on TV to talk about serious stuff only very few times, but every time I went on I studied the topic in great depth. In contrast, my co-panelists invented answers that had zero empirical evidence and […]
April 18, 2016

Neurotic Life: Part III

After three years in Nashville we were so desperate we were thinking of going back to Winnipeg, Manitoba. If that failed we could always move to Moldova and reclaim the land the Cossacks stole from my family during the Kishinev pogrom. After debating between Manitoba and Moldova we moved to Miami.  Controlling your behavior is a matter of life and death in Miami. If you want to stay alive here, you have to master your driving behavior. First, you have to control the automatic desire to move ahead when traffic lights turn green. Second, you have to count four cars that will cross in red in front of you. Third, if you don’t want to be rear ended, you have to accelerate when the light turns yellow. Finally, you have to learn a few choice words in Spanish to communicate with the drivers who get stuck at the intersection. Miami is indeed a wonderful place to learn how to control your behavior. Here, you have to unlearn everything you learned about driving, unless, of course, you come from Latin America, which is where I grew up. Given my Latin background you would have thought that I’d know how to drive […]

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