The Humor Blog for Well-Being

April 11, 2016

Neurotic Life: Part I

If doing something is good, overdoing it must be wonderful. If gaining control is a good thing, gaining complete control must guarantee eternity. This is how we, neurotics, think. When I was finishing my PhD in psychology I was a full time student. I was also working full time outside the university (I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to do that), raising a baby, and writing a dissertation on a tight schedule. My wife Ora and I would not get much sleep because Matan, our son, really wanted to play in the middle of the night, and we really didn’t know how to say no, which, 29 years later, we still don’t. This was in Winnipeg, Canada. In winter, the average temperature was -54 and in summer it was 108 mosquitos per square feet.   To make sure I completed my dissertation on time, I followed obsessively a tight schedule. I used to get up at 5 am, go down to the basement and start typing. The heating didn’t work so I wore gloves to type. Until 7 am I wrote nonstop to make sure I achieved my word goal for the day. My obsessive compulsive tendencies were only in […]
April 4, 2016

Truth, Trust, Trauma, and Trump

I trust people. I tend to believe what they tell me. I’m big on trust. If they tell me they will do something, I believe them. If they share with me information, I take it as face value. In short, I’m an idiot.                It all started with Anna, her real name (go ahead Anna, sue me), who came to the house to help us with various domestic chores. Within a few days, my wife Ora and I discovered that a few things were missing, and I went crazy. I DO NOT misplace things. I may be totally naïve and somewhat of a moron sometimes, but I’m NOT DISORGANIZED.                 First, my iPhone charger disappeared.  This is a small thing, so against my best judgment, I resigned myself to the fact that I had probably misplaced it. Then one of my expensive brown Tumi bags disappeared. I DO NOT misplace Tumi bags. Then it was one of Ora’s skirts. This went on for a few weeks until Ora and I dared question Anna’s integrity. When we gently asked Anna if she had seen the missing items, she denied ever seeing them. We had a thief in our midst and we […]
March 20, 2016

Professional Conduct Guaranteed: Take Two

The National Football League proved once again that ethics is second nature to the profession. After twenty five years of conclusive evidence that concussions cause irreparable brain damage in players, the NFL appointed Richard Incognito to chair a committee on headaches. Incognito, whose fame as a champion of diversity is well known to Miamians, said “we will make sure that no current or former player, or their families, now or in the future, ever complain about concussions without a personal visit by me. ” Incognito made the comment a few moments after he tweeted his support for, major surprise, Donald Trump. Trump reciprocated by promising Incognito the top job at the national spy agency.   Thank God we still have the Republican party to show what ethics are all about in politics. In Flint, Michigan, where city officials wanted to save money by supplying contaminated water, the GOP is doing what responsible politicians do: blame Canada.  Republicans in Michigan are urging Governor Rick Snyder to join Donald Trump as VP. “We will show the rest of the world what upright men do,” a republican operative said. Meanwhile Mitch McConnell, majority leader in the senate, is about to show the country […]
March 5, 2016

Empathy and Chutzpah

When I was building my family, I was all for promoting self-expression. I was all for women’s liberation and children’s liberation. I wanted my wife and son to feel free to express their views and feelings. BIG MISTAKE!  As a result of my foolishness, I have spent the last thirty years surrounded by overly assertive family members who challenge my every word, question my judgment, and want me to experiment with colors other than brown. Our son never had a thought that didn’t find its way into his mouth. My wife, in turn, never had a grievance she didn’t express. Oh, the joys of democracy. But I have to admit that both have made me a better person: more empathic, more sensitive, more egalitarian, more democratic, more in tune with my feelings. So much so, that I can never speak to male friends anymore. So much so, that every major decision in the house, like the color of my underwear, requires a meeting with minutes and secret ballot. Coping with assertive family members has been excellent training for dealing with students. The other day, and this is a true story, I received an email from a student at another university […]
January 18, 2016

The New Meaning of Sexy

In our cultural context, sexy has a very narrow definition, which means that 6.916 billion people, and most importantly me, have no chance to appear on the cover of People. However, for those of us who don’t fit the narrow definition of sexy, I have good news. Sexy doesn’t have to refer just to the carnal domain. Sexy can be a metaphor for appealing, exciting, desirable, attractive, educated, wise, fair, interesting and stimulating. I’m aware that this theory may well be perceived as an apologia for my big ears, but I trust the reader will see beyond them. I’m also aware that my argument may grow out of my charming personality, but I hope you will not get distracted by it. In our culture, we all want to be physically attractive. Women spend billions of dollars on cosmetics, plastic surgery, clothes and colonic cleansing just to be beautiful and sexy, on the outside and the inside. They spend inordinate amounts of money on nail salons staffed by girls from a particular country I cannot name due to fear of stereotyping, discrimination, and my wife’s looks when she reads this. Men go to gyms and buy supplements to build muscle. They […]

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