GOING WELLNUTS

The Humor Blog for Well-Being

July 24, 2013

Anthony Weiner to Sue Mobile Phone Company

Mr. Weiner was defiant yesterday during a press conference about his continued sexting. He claimed that he was going to sue the mobile phone company responsible for his sexting. He asserted that “before this technology was available, I never used to sext”. He argued that “it is time these companies took responsibility for putting in the hands of people weapons of self-destruction.” In their defense, makers of the “promisQ-E-T” phone told the media that Mr. Weiner should have activated the “savemyass” app that comes with the phone. The app, specifically designed for politicians, shuts off the phone every time the user is about to take a picture of flesh. In a related development, Eliot Spitzer is about to sue credit card companies. Mr. Spitzer claimed that before there were credit cards, he never used to leave tracks of encounters with women in hotels. Meanwhile, Silvio Berlusconi is suing Morocco for sending beautiful women to Italy, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn is filing papers to bring to court the entire female population of the world.
July 17, 2013

NCTQ to tackle Syria and Obesity Next

Educational policy affects the well-being of students, teachers, parents, and especially Deans of Schools of Education.  A recent report has far reaching implications for the well-being of the nation, and beyond. The National Council on Teacher Quality (NCTQ), an organization much loved by Deans of Education around the country, is poised to tackle Syria and obesity. After fixing education in this country through their report on teacher preparation programs, NCTQ is ready to tackle other global problems. The report, universally acclaimed for its high scientific and ethical standards, has drawn great praise from the former superintendent of Atlanta Public Schools, The Plumbers Association, and Bernie Madoff. The report raises the bar on scientific approaches to social problems; so much so that President Obama is going to replace the Chief Scientist at the National Academies of Science with an NCTQ intern. Meanwhile, Kate Walsh, president of NCTQ, is rumored to head the Expedited Ethics Board, a new federal agency designed to protect the rights of lobbyists in Washington. When asked about her data collection methods, Walsh replied that they used drones to gather data from Colleges of Education that refused to cooperate. She went on to describe how telescopic technology was […]

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