GOING WELLNUTS

The Humor Blog for Well-Being

April 22, 2018

Customer Disservice Awards: Third Place

  The third place goes to the nurse who performed my MRI last year. I had a positional headache that triggered my brain hypochondria. I valiantly overcame claustrophobic fears and behaved like a grownup during the procedure. I rehearsed for days a desensitization program: I would close my eyes and keep them shut until I was out of the electromagnetic tomb. I did it without crying or freaking out. I was so proud of myself that I nearly forgot to ask about the results of the MRI. While waiting for the nurse to release me I saw that she handed to another patient a disk with her results. I asked if I could also take mine with me. She agreed. I also asked if she could share with me the findings, but told me that I can actually look at them on the computer. The fact that she did not answer my question, but still gave me the disk, was confusing. Would she had given me the results if I had a tumor? And if I did not have a tumor, why would she not tell me? When I asked her how to read the results, she told me that […]
April 15, 2018

Customer Disservice Awards: Second Place

The second place for customer disservice goes to the flight attendant from Lufthansa. We were about to board the business class section of the Airbus when a Lufthansa employee turned to the flight attendant to ask her for help with our bags. She asked the flight attendant for assistance while I helped Ora to her seat. I turned to the flight attendant and politely asked her to place two small bags in 24E and F while I assisted my wife. Since she did not acknowledge my request, I assumed that she could not hear me because of the noise of the engines. I courteously repeated the seat numbers, at which point she yelled at me, in the rudest of terms, “I HEARD YOU SIR.” Apparently she felt that it was beneath her to help passengers with their bags. I had seen such attitude before. A few minutes later the same flight attendant handed us the oxygen tank that Ora uses in long flights. As two Jewish passengers in the hands of a nasty German wearing a uniform, we could not help but laugh at the fact that she was handing us a tank that seem to contain gas. I hasten […]
April 8, 2018

Customer Disservice Awards: First Place

  Drum roll maestro. The envelope please. And the prize for the least caring and most incompetent professional goes to….the wedding planner. Our student was to get married on a beautiful island in the Caribbean, and my wife and I were invited. The bride put us in touch with her wedding planner to learn about the most accessible route to get to the island, since Ora, my wife, uses a wheelchair. We had two options: either fly to the neighboring island and take a small plane to our destination, or cross from the big island to the small one on a ferry. We explained to her that it is challenging for a person with a disability to maneuver access to small planes and get into ferries without proper ramps. Since the wedding planner lived on the island, we figured we could trust her. Without hesitation she recommended that we fly to St. Martin and then we take the ferry to the island. Her ineptitude revealed one of two things: She either never took the ferry, or never saw a wheelchair. Third option: She never gave a darn. To get to the ferry, Ora and I had to take an inaccessible […]
March 5, 2018

Wanted: Four Overvalued Miamians

You’ve heard about the stock market being inflated. You’ve seen the news about the real estate market being overvalued. These should no doubt concern you. But I’m here to tell you that these worries are nothing compared to a new menace affecting our city: Self-Overvaluation. I know this comes as a complete shock to you, but am here to tell you that I’ve seen this behavior in four people already, and am writing now to request help in curbing the epidemic. Apparently, the four were infected while visiting El-Mio-Es-Mas-Largo, an exclusive resort in Palm Beach. Since I have a background in psychology, and I’m a long time resident of Miami — I can still remember when Beckham first floated the idea of a soccer team — allow me to explain this vulnerability in our population. Babies need responsive parents to feel secure in the world. When parents are too busy — shopping at the ridiculously expensive Brickell City Centre, going to Botox parties, attending press conferences by David Beckham, boycotting David Beckham, or stuck in traffic — nannies or grandparents should nurture the baby. When something goes wrong and the baby’s needs for secure attachment are thwarted, some people respond […]
February 27, 2018

Mar-A-Lago to Change its Name to El-Mio-Es-Mas-Largo

  To lend support to his claim that he would have acted heroically in Parkland, Donald Trump is changing the name of Mar-A-Lago to El-Mio-Es-Mas-Largo (Spanish: Mine is Longer). Isaac Prilleltensky is an academic and humor writer. His most recent book is The Laughing Guide to Well-Being: Using Humor and Science to Become Happier and Healthier. Follow his humor blog at www.thelaughingguide.com. You can reach him at prilleltensky@gmail.com    

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