GOING WELLNUTS

The Humor Blog for Well-Being

April 8, 2018

Customer Disservice Awards: First Place

  Drum roll maestro. The envelope please. And the prize for the least caring and most incompetent professional goes to….the wedding planner. Our student was to get married on a beautiful island in the Caribbean, and my wife and I were invited. The bride put us in touch with her wedding planner to learn about the most accessible route to get to the island, since Ora, my wife, uses a wheelchair. We had two options: either fly to the neighboring island and take a small plane to our destination, or cross from the big island to the small one on a ferry. We explained to her that it is challenging for a person with a disability to maneuver access to small planes and get into ferries without proper ramps. Since the wedding planner lived on the island, we figured we could trust her. Without hesitation she recommended that we fly to St. Martin and then we take the ferry to the island. Her ineptitude revealed one of two things: She either never took the ferry, or never saw a wheelchair. Third option: She never gave a darn. To get to the ferry, Ora and I had to take an inaccessible […]
March 5, 2018

Wanted: Four Overvalued Miamians

You’ve heard about the stock market being inflated. You’ve seen the news about the real estate market being overvalued. These should no doubt concern you. But I’m here to tell you that these worries are nothing compared to a new menace affecting our city: Self-Overvaluation. I know this comes as a complete shock to you, but am here to tell you that I’ve seen this behavior in four people already, and am writing now to request help in curbing the epidemic. Apparently, the four were infected while visiting El-Mio-Es-Mas-Largo, an exclusive resort in Palm Beach. Since I have a background in psychology, and I’m a long time resident of Miami — I can still remember when Beckham first floated the idea of a soccer team — allow me to explain this vulnerability in our population. Babies need responsive parents to feel secure in the world. When parents are too busy — shopping at the ridiculously expensive Brickell City Centre, going to Botox parties, attending press conferences by David Beckham, boycotting David Beckham, or stuck in traffic — nannies or grandparents should nurture the baby. When something goes wrong and the baby’s needs for secure attachment are thwarted, some people respond […]
February 27, 2018

Mar-A-Lago to Change its Name to El-Mio-Es-Mas-Largo

  To lend support to his claim that he would have acted heroically in Parkland, Donald Trump is changing the name of Mar-A-Lago to El-Mio-Es-Mas-Largo (Spanish: Mine is Longer). Isaac Prilleltensky is an academic and humor writer. His most recent book is The Laughing Guide to Well-Being: Using Humor and Science to Become Happier and Healthier. Follow his humor blog at www.thelaughingguide.com. You can reach him at prilleltensky@gmail.com    
February 18, 2018

Pro-Life, Pro-Guns, Pro-Insanity: Voters Confused

Published in Miami Today on February 22, 2018. Crisis management firms are giddy with joy. In anticipation of the most explosive revelation in American politics in a century, these companies are hiring more and more graduates every day. They worry, however, that they will not have enough personnel to answer the call from politicians. In fact, they are hoping to hire some Russian consultants. They don’t want to miss the opportunity to cash in on a big fiasco. The secret to be disclosed early next week is that most politicians who are pro-life are also for easing access to guns, and for guaranteeing that you can carry a concealed weapon anywhere in the country. In fact, most of them already voted to ease access to automatic weapons. In Florida, if you are eighteen you cannot buy a beer but you can buy an automatic rifle. The stunning revelation comes amid reports that most of the pro-life candidates in the upcoming mid-term election also receive generous support from a lobbying group that shall remain nameless due to fear of reprisals and lawsuits. We were hoping voters wouldn’t pay attention, said Manny Pulation, head of communications for the group. Speaking on condition […]
February 4, 2018

Release of FBI Memo last hurdle to join Banana Republics

  Joining the League of Banana Republics (LBR) is a complicated and arduous process. The list of requirements is long and challenging. Very few leaders manage to fulfill all the expectations in one year, but Trump has just managed such feat. With the release of the FBI memo on February 2, 2018, he completed all the requirements to secure membership of the United States of America in the exclusive club. The release of the FBI memo was the last hurdle imposed by the prestigious LBR. On Friday, Trump declared: “I’m making America great again by joining a group of elite countries. This is clear evidence that we are winning.” The application process required from President Trump to prove that he can: Accuse the media of witch hunts against him and his administration Obtain the lowest approval rating of any President in the first year in office Derive personal financial gain from his official position Mock women, reporters, foreigners, and people with disabilities Pay porn stars to keep quiet about affairs Fire officials who exhibit integrity Bring the world to the brink of nuclear war Make a Cable News organization the unofficial propaganda arm of the government Disregard the rule of […]

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